


mission insane challenge

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canonical Character Death, Drabbles, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Gen, I like writing about Moria way too much to it gets a tag, M/M, Moria, genderslide, mission: insane fic challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 6,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>twenty prompt lists, ten prompts per lists, for a planned total of 200 ficlets<br/>latest ficlets:</p><p>5. Nori/Kili/Bilbo - Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge<br/>6. Ori/Kili - Everything Has Its Beauty, But Not Everyone Sees It<br/>7. Ori - Fiction Is Obliged To Stick To Possibilities, Truth Isn’t<br/>8. Ori/Nori - Taboo<br/>9. Ori&Gimli - However Beautiful The Strategy, You Should Occasionally Look At The Results<br/>10. Bilbo - Be Great In Act As You Have Been In Thought<br/>11. Ori/Kili - Kiss<br/>12. Ori&Nori - Promise<br/>13. Ori/Kili - Lick<br/>14. Ori/Kili - Touch</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ori/Thorin -  Always Forgive Your Enemies, Nothing Annoys Them So Much

**Author's Note:**

> I have a mild (huge) writer's block, and I'm trying to fight it by taking up again a livejournal challenge I had started at some point last year.  
> Thought I might as well start posting them here.

Ori smiled at the high lords, all sweetness and politeness as usual, his clothes impeccable, his hair neatly braided in a way that emphasized his features.

The lords shared a worried look. Back in Ered Luin, they had more than once sneered at Ori and his family. More than once, they had called Ari a whore, a disgrace to all the exiles. More than once, they had reminded Ori that his mother was the bastard of Thror and a servant, that himself was a bastard too, to some penniless miner who hadn’t even wanted to stuck around. More than once they had suggested that Dori, pretty as he was, should stop trying to work and just open his legs for anyone who could afford it, since that run in his blood. More than once they had mocked Nori, who wasn’t a woman but would never be a man. More than once, they had called Ori Thorin’s whore.

And now, Ori was consort to the King Under the Mountain. The second most important dwarf in Erebor. In charge of welcoming the returning exiles, and giving them back what had once been theirs.

He didn’t make them beg. He didn’t refuse them what was theirs.

He just listened to them, and smiled sweetly, commiserating with them on their hardships in Ered Luin, and promising them that they would always be treated the way they deserved, now that they were back in Erebor.

Sometimes, when they were alone, and sure no one could hear them, the high lords all agreed that they would have preferred him to take his revenge.

There was something about that smile of his that just _terrified_ them.


	2. Fili - We Are What We Repeatedly Do

Fili tried his best.

He had never asked to be a prince. He didn’t want to be one. He wanted to be like Gimli or Ori, free to do what he pleased, free to choose his own life. Or like Kili, who was a prince, but of another sort. A more free sort.

Instead, Fili was the heir.

Well, he tried.

He tried to be noble and wise. He tried to be studious and clever. He tried to fight well, to be untouchable. He tried to stay in control of his emotions. He tried to understand his duties, and to act accordingly.

It was never enough. He could see it in Thorin’s eyes, it was never enough. Any moment of weakness, any instant of wanting to just be himself, just be Fili, was noticed, and earned him a lecture on why he had to act more like the prince he was. A prince didn’t laugh so loud. A prince didn’t play pranks with his brother. A prince didn’t escape his lessons to have fun with his young cousin. A prince didn’t flirt with a certain scribe, because princes were not free to marry who they wished. A prince did what he was told. A prince learned to obey, because it was the only way to learn how to rule.

Fili listened, and tried. He didn’t laugh when Thorin was there, didn’t even smile, but he worked hard, trying to be the best, trying to be better, trying to do something right one day, trying to be as good as his uncle and king wanted him to be.

If he tried hard enough, often enough, maybe some day he would be what Thorin expected of him.

If he tried hard enough, maybe some day his uncle would finally be proud of him.


	3. Fili/Ori - If You Cannot Get Rid Of The Family Skeleton, You May As Well Make It Dance

"You know, if you want to have sex, we can," Ori announced. "It’s no big deal. You won’t be ruining my reputation or anything."

Fili chocked on air, and stared at the young scribe. They had started courting secretly a couple weeks earlier, and it made the prince incredibly happy to just be near the dwarf he loved, and…

and he hadn’t expected sweet, shy Ori to say something like that, really.

"We’re not supposed to… to be intimate until the later stages of our courtship," Fili protested. "It wouldn’t be proper to…"

"Oh, like we’ll ever get there," Ori sighed, rolling his eyes. "Look, let’s be frank. I’m a bastard, and so’s my Mam. The chance that people will let you get engaged to me are of exactly zero, so if we do things proper, we’ll never do more than hold hands."

"I’m fine with that. I will not dishonour you, I… I _love_ you, Ori. I could never do that to you…”

The young scribe smiled at him, that sweet, affectionate smile he always had whenever Fili claimed his love. As if Ori still couldn’t quite believe what was happening to him.

"I love you too, Fee. And, well. You wouldn’t dishonour me, because I have no honour, see? No, no, don’t protest, we both know it’s true. I’m lower than dirt, it’s a fact, and I don’t mind that much. For one thing, it means no one will really care if we fool around, because, well. I’m a bastard. It’s what bastard do, having sex with people, ‘cause we haven’t got any morals and everything, you know? And princes have to get experience somewhere, so going to people like me is acceptable. _And_ I’m a boy, so I can’t get with child, so everyone will think you’re very smart for picking me rather than a girl.”

"I’m not sure I could do that to you Ori, even if… even if you think no one will care. You… you matter too much, I can’t do that to you!"

"Oh, well then, that’s not problem," Ori replied, smiling seductively. "I can be the one _doing_ it to you, if that’s easier?”

Fili blushed. He _should_ have protested, he knew that. Ori had honour, Ori deserved to be treated the right way, even if the rest of the world was too stupid to see it, Ori was… Ori was kissing him, his hands all over Fili’s body, undoing straps and buttons.

Fili should have _protested_ , but it was difficult when Ori was giving him what he had always wanted.


	4. Ori - Be Careful When You Fight The Monsters, Lest You Become One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mildly graphic violence, fighting, death

We can’t get out, Ori had written.

It had been hours ago.

He’d given up on getting out now. Escape didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the smell of blood, all around him, on him, in his mouth, everywhere. The dark, strange blood of orcs. 

He had killed so many.

He would kill many more.

Take as many as possible down with them.

Nothing else mattered anymore. Only the killing existed. Killing orcs. Feeling their bones shatter under his hammer. Hearing their cries of agony. Smelling and tasting their blood. Death surrounded him.

And until it took him he would fight and kill. One more orc. And another. And another.

We can’t get out, Ori had written.

But he was no longer Ori.

He was Death, made flesh and blood, and he wouldn’t stop until either he fell, or the last orc did.


	5. Nori/Kili/Bilbo - Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge

"So you’ve never done that," Bilbo noted, frowning. "Neither of you. That’s actually hard to believe coming from you, Nori."

"Oy!"

"He’s a big old romantic," Kili teased, grinning.

"I am not!" Nori protested. "Romance! Pah! I leave that to Dori, he’s the one who dreams of a nice courtship and such nonsense. I’ve never hard two people in my bed, true, but only because it’s hard enough to find just one I can sort of trust enough. You two should feel _honoured_ , you know.”

"And we are," Bilbo quickly assured him before Kili could make a joke. "Only, that’s a bit of a problem. I rather hoped one of you would know how to… arrange ourselves. I mean, it’s complicated enough with just two people, but three? The logistics are going to be…"

Kili cut him with a sound kiss.

"You think too much, mister _Boggins_ ,” he laughed. “Doesn’t matter if we don’t really know how that’s supposed to work. I can think of as least a dozen things we can try to make it work.”

"A dozen?" Nori repeated with a large grin.

"A least, yes. You got any ideas?"

"A few, kid. A few. Well, how about we start by undressing that hobbit?"

"Sounds like a plan!" the young prince cheerfully exclaimed, and before Bilbo could say anything, Kili was kissing him again while Nori’s clever hands started undoing his buttons.

And really, Bilbo wasn’t about to complain about either things.


	6. Ori/Kili - Everything Has Its Beauty, But Not Everyone Sees It

Kili had a rather unfortunate face, there was no denying it. He looked… almost human, with his small nose and thin face, and the fact that he kept his beard short for the sake of archery didn’t help.

He was still the most beautiful thing Ori had ever seen.

Because while Kili was a silly person, and occasionally clumsy, as soon as he had a weapon in hands, he changed. His every movement was controlled, there was an intention behind his smallest gestures, and nothing he did felt superfluous.

Ori went breathless every time he watch the prince train, and afterwards he would spend hours trying to remember how everything looked to put it on paper, to capture these moments of perfection. He had tried, once or twice, to draw Kili while he was watching him, but that had always failed, because all he could do was _look_.

Maybe it was just as well that Kili had such a strange face, after all. It would have been so unfair if he’d been handsome on top of the rest.


	7. Ori - Fiction Is Obliged To Stick To Possibilities, Truth Isn’t

Ori wrote.

He liked stories. He liked how they made sense. Good people won, bad people lost. Heroes were brave and lived happily, enjoying the peace they had brought. Heroes start small and humble, with all the odds against them, but they grew to be great, and noble, and they did the right thing.

In stories, heroes didn’t lose their mind for a rock.

In stories, heroes didn’t betray their friend and start a war.

In stories, young, bright, beautiful princes didn’t die to save a madman.

In stories, things made sense.

But life wasn’t a story, Ori had learned that the hard way.

Stories made sense.

Life just happened, in spite of what was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell this was written last year, because I'd never call Thorin mad these days


	8. Ori/Nori - Taboo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: brother incest  
> not fully sure, but I might have posted that one already on my Ori/Nori collection?

It was bad, and Ori knew it, but he didn’t care. It might have _been_ wrong, but it still _felt_ right.

The most difficult had been to convince Nori that he really wanted this. Nori, who claimed high and loud that he had no morals, that there was nothing he wouldn’t do under the right circumstances (or more likely, under the wrong ones), Nori had been terrified the first time Ori had tried to kiss him. Not because he didn’t want to (Ori wasn’t _stupid_ , and he _knew_ the signs, or he would never have tried anything) but just because he was afraid he’d corrupt his darling little brother.

It was almost sweet, Ori thought.

Annoying as hell because it meant it had taken him weeks to convince Nori that he really wanted this, _seriously, stop protesting and let me kiss and do naughty stuff to you_.

But sweet.

They had to hide, of course, because M’al, Mama and Dori would get so mad if they knew, and they’d yell at Nori and maybe make him leave again, which Ori really didn’t want… especially since he’d have left too.

He loved his mother and he loved Dori, but he _loved_ Nori, and just the idea of being away from him was painful. 

He was determined to never let that happen. He’d follow his One to Mordor and back again if that was the only way to stay with Nori, and he knew his brother felt the same. He didn’t say it, but it was clear in the way he clung to Ori when they slept together, in the way Nori’s face lit up when he noticed his brother was near, in the way he kept finding excuses to touch him in a way that would have been friendly if not for the way the things they did when they were alone.

And if anyone had anything to say against it, well, too bad for them. Ori was in love, and he was happy, and nothing else mattered.


	9. Ori&Gimli - However Beautiful The Strategy, You Should Occasionally Look At The Results

"It won’t work," Ori stated.

"Of course it’ll work," Gimli protested. "It’s got to work. It’s a great plan."

"Still won’t work."

"You don’t know that."

"I do, actually. All your other plans were ‘great plans’ too, and they never worked. So I don’t think this one will be better."

Gimli glared at his friend, as if telling the truth was some terrible offence. Ori didn’t even blink. Once, Gimli’s glared would have greatly impressed him, but he had now seen things much worse than a capricious dwarfling’s anger.

Especially when said dwarfling was wrong.

"You know, I’ll start thinking you’re not really trying to help," Gimli accused him. "You criticize a lot, but how do you suggest we go about ruining the elves’ ambassador’s hair?"

"It’s you who want that, not me. I’ll enjoy the show if you succeed, and I’ll help if you find a good idea, but I’m not going with a stupid plan, sorry."

Gimli glared again.

"You used to be a lot more fun to be around," he grumbled. "I’m glad I wasn’t allowed to come to that damn quest if it destroyed your sense of fun like that."

Ori rolled his eyes… and sighed. It was a stupid plan, really. But it might be amusing… and Gimli was right. It had been a long time since he’d tried to have fun.

"Fine. So, how exactly are we supposed to get into his quarters to put blue dye in his shampoo?"

Gimli grinned at him. “Ah, well, it’s easy…”


	10. Bilbo - Be Great In Act As You Have Been In Thought

For all that Bilbo loved great stories, he’d never fancied himself a hero. Not since he’d been old enough to realize how stupid that was, at least. Once, when he had been younger, he would dream of great deeds, of fighting evil, sword in hand, like the elves did in his mother’s stories.

He knew better than that, though. He knew he wasn’t a hero, wasn’t special. He was just good old Bilbo.

It had been a mistake to run away with the dwarves, he knew it. He wasn’t anything special. Just good old Bilbo, who cooked very well, always had the best beer and wine of the Shire, and a garden that was the envy of his neighbours. Good old Bilbo who had dreamed too much as a child, before learning during the Fell Winter that life wasn’t kind, that adventures didn’t end well, that danger was a real thing and so was death. he’d been powerless, that winter, against the wolves and the goblins.

He was powerless again, against everything that the dwarves seemed to find normal. He was powerless against the trolls, the wargs, the orcs. He should have given up. He kept trying to give up, to be fair. He had almost ran back home at the end of the first day of travel. He had almost stayed in Rivendell. He had almost turned back in the mountains.

He hadn’t though, and he blamed it all on that small voice on the back of his head. The one that sounded so much like his tween self.

"You’ve dreamed of that for so long," the voice said, "and everyone called you weird when you dreamed of it. You’ve wanted this all your life. And sure it looks bad right now, but tomorrow might be better and you won’t know if you give up just now, right?"

So far, the voice had always been wrong, of course. Things didn’t get better. Things kept getting worse, and now the ground of a cave had just swallowed the dwarves into darkness.

 _Maybe this time it’ll get better_ , Bilbo thought as he jumped down after them.


	11. Ori/Kili - Kiss

"Why would I tell your mother that I broke her vase?" Ori asked, his tone of voice making it clear how stupid the idea was.

"I’ll do something nice for you in exchange?" Kili offered.

"What something?"

Kili thought about it for a moment.

"A kiss? That way, if people ask you one day, you’ll be able to say your first kiss was with a prince. That’s not everyone who can say that!"

Ori considered it for a moment, and eventually shrugged.

"Oh, why not. I could do worse for a first kiss. Fine, I’ll take the blame. Now kiss me."

Kili grinned, and promptly obeyed. It had been a risky plan, really, and he’d have been in terrible trouble about that vase if it hadn’t worked… but it had worked, and he was finally kissing Ori, and nothing else mattered


	12. Ori&Nori - Promise

Ori laughed, and kissed his brother on the cheek.

"Don’t you worry, Nori! I’ll be quite safe! Mister Balin and mister Oin will be there, and quite a few warriors.. And I’m not so bad in a fight myself, you know!"

"I know, kid. I know. Still… promise you’ll be careful. Don’t play the hero?"

Ori sighed, and laughed again.

"M’al, you’re turning just as bad as Dori! Fine, I promise. I’ll be careful, I’ll eat three meals a day, and I’ll put on my cardigan in the evenings. Happy now?"

"Can’t be happy with you going there, kid. But I can’t change your mind… so you’d better keep your promise."

"Oh, I will! I’m the honest one here, I always keep my promises!"

Nori forced a smile. he had a bad feeling, but there was nothing he could do, beside trust his brother, and hope for the best.


	13. Ori/Kili - Lick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mentions of alcohol and characters being tipsy?

The good thing about mead, Ori thought, staring at his mug, was that it was _good_.

Better than beer, better than wine, much better than boring all water. Mead was good, and sweet, and good.

Actually, everything was good. He liked it at this Beorn fellow’s house. It was nice, and warm, and mead was good, and honey was good, and cream was good, and everything was good, and Kili was sitting right next to him, and that was good too.

"You’ve had too much mead," Kili told him at one point, clearly tipsy himself.

"Maybe," Ori cheerfully replied. "But you’ve had too much cream, and you’re the one who missed his mouth. You’ve got some here…"

The young scribe leaned a little, and rather than using his finger, he licked the cream away, before giggling at the shocked expression on the prince’s face.

Yup. Mead was good.


	14. Ori/Kili - Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for past infidelity  
> a continuation of this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/678492/chapters/1634285 (Orilik, Kili cheated on Ori)  
> this had already been posted on my "prompt and ficlets" collection, but I wanted to have it here too

Ori had agreed to stay home in the end, and that was a blessing. It was Kili’s chance to prove that it had been an accident, that he hadn’t meant for something like that to happen. If Ori had gone to his brothers’, Nori and Dori would probably have convinced him to just dump the prince, marriage or not. And Kili knew he would have deserved it. He had _betrayed his One_.

What sort of a dwarf cheated on their One?

The stupid sort, Kili thought sadly. The sort who thought they could manage alone for a couple weeks, only to get drunk because they were lonely.

But Ori had forgiven him. Or at least, Ori had agreed to not leave their home, and to pretend nothing had happened. In public.

In private, the pretence was gone. In private, Ori refused to look at him or talk to him, let alone touch him. It had been two months now. Two months of silence and absence and frustration, because his One was there with him, but he might as well have been back in the Iron Hills.

It was a torture, and Kili knew he deserved it, but it was getting more than he could bear.

"Why did you stay, if you hate me so much?" he asked his husband one night.

Ori looked at him in silence, and the prince thought he wouldn’t answer, because he never did these days.

"I stayed because if I had gone, people would be judging you," he eventually said. "It’s one thing that you cheated on me, and people just think it’s my fault for leaving… and that’s it, you know? If I stay, I’m an idiot and what happened is my fault. If I go, you’re the one who drove away your husband. I’d rather have the blame on me than on you."

"After all that happened? Why?"

"Because I love you," Ori whispered. " I wish I didn’t, after what you’ve done, but I love you. You _are_ my One, you know.”

Kili let out a gasp. Ori still loved him. It was a surprise, after his betrayal, and he didn’t deserve it, he knew that. But he was a selfish dwarf, and if his One still loved, then he’d take that love.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, taking a step toward his husband.

"No."

Kili stepped back, heartbroken. Of course he couldn’t kiss Ori. The scribe had said he still loved him, but that didn’t mean…

"You can hug me though," Ori said hesitantly. "For a start. We’ll see later about… about other things, when I feel I can trust you again. But I’d really like a hug. I’ve missed those awfully."

Kili didn’t need to be told twice, and in an instant he had his husband in his arms. It felt good to be this close again, to feel Ori’s warmth, to touch him again, after so long.

"I’ll never hurt you again," the prince promised, resisting the impulse to kiss his lover’s hair. He couldn’t do that until Ori had said it was okay, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Oh, you will," Ori sighed. "And I’ll hurt you, probably. But we’ll make it work anyway, Kee. That’s what love is about."


	15. Ori/Kili - Desperate

Kili’s kisses were hard and demanding and clumsy, more than they had ever been before, but Ori knew that he wasn’t doing any better. It didn’t matter though. They were alive. Gandalf had found them a safe place to say.

"Thought I lost you," the princess mumbled against his lips, pushing him toward a wall. "Thought you were going to die. Couldn’t… not without you."

"I’m fine… are you? In the cave… under that goblin king… got hurt?"

Kili shook her head quickly before kissing him again, her hands finding their way under his tunic.

It was the worst possible place for this, the others were just right away, drinking mead and sharing stories with Beorn. They would get caught, and everyone would be angry at them and they’d try to separate them after that, and it would be awful. That was what Ori should have told his lover.

Instead, he pulled her closer, one hand trying to undo the ties of her coat.

They were _alive_ , who _cared_ about getting caught?


	16. Ori/Fili - Suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for sexual content

Ori bit his lower lip, trying desperately to contain a moan, and failing.

Fili was good at this, _far_ too good. No prince should have been so good at being on his knees for the pleasure of another. Not that Ori was complaining. There was nowhere else he’d rather have been than there, in a dark corner, his fingers tangled in Fili’s hair, the prince’s mouth on him.

The damn _heir to the throne_ was sucking on his cock as if it were the sweetest treat in the world.

This was his reward for dealing with Dori’s nagging and Nori’s awful jokes, he decided. He’d been a good, patient dwarf all his life, and so Mahal was rewarding him with this.

"M’al, how are you so good at this?" he groaned after a particularly clever swirl of Fili’s tongue. "No one should be that good."

"I was taught by the best," the prince retorted, pulling back for a moment. "And I still have a lot to learn. Some day, I’ll be able to take all of you, you’ll see."

"That’s gonna take you a few try. It’s not an easy trick."

"Hm-m." Fili nuzzled at Ori’s groin, leaving small kisses at the base of his cock. "Better start working on it right now then, right?"

Ori moaned, and before his mind went blank, he thanked Mahal and any gods he could think of for giving him such a lover.


	17. Ori/Thorin - Paranoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and at last we reach the ficlets I'm currently writing, as opposed to stuff I wrote last year

"Someone must have taken it," Thorin repeated, practically shaking in Ori’s arms. "It’s the only explanation. Someone took it!"

Ori pressed a tender kiss to his king’s ear, and calmly continued brushing his hair.

"I don’t think Smaug would have suffered a thief coming here to touch what he felt to be his," he pointed out. "That is not how dragons work."

"Someone in the company then…" Thorin muttered, although he did sound hesitant, as if even in his current state, he couldn’t quite believe that any of them would have done such a thing.

"We are all faithful to you," Ori reminded him gently. "We all know why it is so important that the Arkenstone be returned to you. You are our king, and we would never betray you that way, not one of us."

The king’s hair was free of knots now, and Ori started braiding it lovingly. Thorin relaxed a little, but not as much as he usually did.

"I am not a king to all of them. Bifur and his cousins are Broadbeams, not Longbeards, and Bilbo…"

Ori giggled. He couldn’t help it.

"Oh, sure, Bilbo! Thorin, do you think he tooks such pains to help you and keep you alive, only to now steal the Arkenstone and betray you? And what would he do with it anyway? Buy himself the love of these Men and elves?"

Thorin too chuckled, and turned his head to steal a kiss.

"I am being unreasonnable, aren’t I?"

"A little," Ori agreed affectionately. "The dragon’s hoard is huge, it will take weeks, months to go through all of it. We will find the Arkenstone though, and then everything will be right again, I promise."


	18. Ori/Kili - Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for canon

"We’ll talk after the battle," Kili had said, managing to smile even then, although her grin was more forced than ever before.

"We’ll talk after the battle," she’d said, and Ori had believed her, because Kili might have been silly at times, but she always kept her promises.

"We’ll talk after the battle," and they had both known what they would talk about, those glances they had started exchanging in the Shire, the way they so often sat together at meals, how comfortable it was talking to each other, and that kiss at Beorn’s that Ori still wasn’t sure had even happened, because there had been an awful lot of mead involved. But this quest was important, and they couldn’t have started indulging in tender feelings, not with so much danger around them.

"We’ll talk after the battle," Ori had repeated to himself again and again, when he wasn’t sure he had the strength to go on anymore, but the thought of Kili’s shy smile gave him energy and hope.

"We were supposed to talk after the battle," Ori sobbed on Dori’s shoulder as night fell on the survivors, and maybe they should have talked long ago, because now they would never have the chance for it.


	19. Nori/Dwalin - Baggage

The door was not locked when Dwalin came home. This prompted two reactions in him: first, to smile because Nori was probably back, and then to take in hand his axe, in case it wasn’t Nori in there. He pushed the door slowly and…

"You really need do something about the hinges," came a voice inside that had Dwalin instantly relax and finish opening the door in one move.

Nori was there, sprawled in a chair, sucking on a chicken leg. There was a small suitcase near the chair, which was rather odd in itself. Nori liked to travel light.

"I like knowing that I can hear it if someone is coming in," Dwalin retorted, eyeing the suitcase curiously, but knowing better than to ask about it.

Instead, he walked to the chair, and Nori _deigned_ spit out the bone in his mouth to kiss the dwarf who was not his husband. Dwalin hoped that later on that bone would be properly disposed of, but right then he couldn’t care less. Nori had been gone for months this time, and it felt _right_ to be kissing him again.

"I brought you a surprise," Nori claimed in a sing-song voice as he pulled away. "A _souvenir_.”

Dwalin raised an eyebrow at the odd, foreign word, and Nori grinned.

"It’s what the Blacklocks call a present you bought on a travel and then brought home to give the people who stayed. And I brought you one. Which I actually _bought_ with actual money, if you must know. Here, let me show you…”

Nori slipped away from the chair and onto his knees with practiced grace, and started fumbling with the locks of the suitcase. Dwalin sat down behind him, and wrapped his arms around the smaller dwarf, careful not to be in his way.

Nori being home was the best souvenir he could ask for.


	20. Legolas - One Character has secretly been replaced for most of their action by another character in disguise

"Why do you dislike Legolas so much anyway?" Pippin asked Gimli one night. "He’s a decent enough fellow, ain’t he? I mean, he’s fairly odd sometimes, but that’s elves for you, right?"

The dwarf didn’t answer straight away, gazing instead at the elf, who was trying to help Sam cook. Legolas didn’t seem too helpful, but Sam was patient and clearly delighted that anyone would want to learn cooking with him.

"Surely you know how what his father did to mine," Gimli eventually said. "Hasn’t Bilbo told _that_ bit of the story?”

"Oh, yeah. Prison and all. But you forgave Bilbo for worse, right?"

Gimli grimaced. Young Pippin was the last person to whom he wanted to explain that holding a grudge against Bilbo would have felt like blaming a child for breaking a precious vase in an attempt to make a mosaic. It had been done with good intentions, obscured by a total lack of understanding of the situation.

"I think you should get along with Legolas," Pippin claimed decidedly. "He’s a nice fellow, even if he’s weird, and I think he’s better than his father."

Gimli just grunted. Another thing he didn’t want to explain to Pippin was that his father had once met prince Legolas, who had been the one to arrest Thorin’s company. A rude fellow, Gloin had told him later, sneering at them, as if his pretty pale face and his sleek blond hair made him better than them.

Gloin had insisted a fair bit on the prince’s blond hair, and how keep it loose like that was a danger for a fighter.

Gimli looked again toward Legolas, and frowned. He trusted Gandalf of course, and Aragorn too. They must have known what they were doing, allowing that elf to come with them… but there was no denying that the prince’s hair was not yellow as it should have been, but the brightest of reds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm way into the idea that Legolas died at Bofa, that Tauriel took his place and name Because Of Reasons, and that she and Gimli will eventually be happy lesbians for ever  
> dwarves use the pronoun "he" regardless of gender when using the common tongue, regardless of what they would use in their own cities


	21. Thorin&Dwalin - Character(s) reading fanfiction

Thorin continued reading, and groaned while Dwalin grimaced at his own sheet of paper.

"I would never do that!" the king exploded. "Not to anyone, and certainly not to the _hobbit_. What sort of a monster would refuse to hear a no? And do I really look like I would use force on a lover less strong than me?”

"You shouldn’t read that one either," Dwalin retorted, crumbling the paper in his hand. "Apparently, gold makes you go bonker, and you’re a copy of your grandfather? Also, that’s the fifth one where you die."

"With mine, that’s fourteen," Thorin grumbled. "Why do they _all_ insist on killing me?”

"Maybe they’re stories written by elves."

"That would sure explain why the descriptions of sex makes no sense."


	22. Dori&Nori - Missing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for Moria being canon

There was letter on the table when Nori came home and he rushed to it. It had been opened already, by someone whose hands must have been shaking as much as Nori’s were. He unfolded the paper carefully and…

Let it fall on the table when he saw the unfamiliar writing. It must have been from one of Dori’s friends in Ered Luin then, and not…

Dori came back from the kitchen with a plate of biscuits, looked at his brother, and sighed. The plate was put away, and Nori felt himself be pulled into a hug. He used to hate those, but Dori needed someone to hold. Nori had grown to tolerate it anyway. Even need it some days. Days like that one.

"I thought it might be from him," Nori sobbed, and he was almost surprised to realise that he had started crying. Dori held him tighter, and he probably was crying too.

They’d never really been the crying type, the two of them, but that had been before.

"I don’t think he’ll write anymore," Dori whispered. "It has been ten years since they’ve given any news. I don’t think we’ll get any more letters."

Nori nodded.

It was what they had started telling each other after three years. They never talked of the fact that neither of them could leave Erebor, too many responsibilities trapping them there. They never talked about wondering sometimes how badly they would be missed if they left anyway. They never talked about the certainty they would die if they left, which wouldn’t change anything to what had happened.

They didn’t talk about the hope they still had of a letter someday, or of coming home someday to find him already there, sitting in a chair with his favourite book, and how he would laugh at them for even worrying. He would call them both mother hens, and they would call him careless, and everything would be like before…

But they didn’t talk about that. Couldn’t talk about it.

"Did you make the guild leaders come to their sense?" Nori asked instead, pulling away from his brother. "Or should I go visit them?

Dori smiled sadly, and started talking about his day.

If they didn’t talk about the rest, maybe they could pretend a little longer.


	23. Ori/Kili - Shy

Kili was looking like a kicked puppy that night. Which, granted, was her normal look lately, Fili had noticed. Why his sister would look so miserable though, he had no idea. But it was getting bad enough that their hobbit had tried to ask what was wrong with Kili, which meant it was more than time for an intervention.

"So, what’s the problem?" Fili asked, dropping down to sit by his sister.

Kili jumped, and glared at him.

"Nothing."

"Lies. You didn’t even laugh at Bofur’s joke about wizards’ staffs," Fili pointed out. "You’ve done nothing but stare ahead and…"

The thing was, Fili had been wondering what could have had his sister’s attention that way. And now that he was sitting next to her, he couldn’t _not_ noticed that she had a perfect view of…

"Ori? Seriously?"

"Shut up!" Kili squeaked. "I don’t know what you mean!"

Fili grimaced. Well, Ori was pretty enough of course. Not exactly from what one could call a good family, but he was a fun boy when he wanted to, and very hard working. Of course, his brothers were a little overprotective, and that might be a problem if Kili was crushing on him, but…

"Do you want me to distract his brothers?" Fili offered, ever the good brother. "That way you can have a chat and tell him you’re sweet on him and all."

Kili blushed, and mumbled something.

"Sorry, didn’t catch that."

"I said, it’s pointless," Kili grumbled. "I haven’t got a chance. And I wouldn’t know what to say to him!"

"How about ‘hey, you’re pretty and I’m horny, let’s have a shag’?"

The glare Fili got for his effort was expected, but it still made him laugh.

"Come on! You’re the friendliest person I’ve ever known, you could strike a conversation with an elf and make them like you, and you’re scared of _Ori_?”

"Shut up and leave me alone with my pain," Kili sighed dramatically. "He is my One, and he will never know, because I don’t know what I could tell him to show him I’m good enough for him."

Her tone was light, but Fili knew her well enough to guess that there was some truth to her joke. Which was rather silly, but then, love could be a strange thing sometimes. Meaning she was going to need some help, or else Ori really would never know.

"Well, no choice then," Fili decided, jumping on his feet. "I’m going to tell him."

Kili stared at him for a second, and he grinned at her.

"You can’t do that!" Kili begged. "Fee, you can’t… No! No, no, no! Fili come back here!"

But it was too late. Fili was already on the other side of the camp, standing in front of his sister’s crush.

"Hey, Ori, can I have a word with you?" he asked with a smile nothing short of evil.

It was, after all, his duty as an older brother to both help and embarass his little sister.


	24. Bilbo/Bofur, Bilbo/Thorin - unrequited

It did not matter in the end, Thorin decided. Even if Bilbo had returned his affection, nothing would have been possible between them. It would have been scandalous for any dwarf to have relations with another race, but for a king? It would lose him the throne of Erebor more surely than the dragon had, and after so many years, so many efforts, he could not do that.

Beside, Bilbo did not understand their customs. He made blunder after blunder, and while he did try hard to learn, and rarely made the same mistake twice, it was still painfully obvious that he was not, would never be one of them. And what sort of a king would take an ignorant stranger to his bed, let such a person have power to ruin him when they could not even begin to imagine which of their actions and words might bring down that ruin?

There would have been too much standing in their way, Thorin told himself again as he watched Bilbo and Bofur laugh together, sitting just a little too close. It could never have worked… but Bofur was good and honest, he would make Bilbo happy, in a way that Thorin could never have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my second try at this prompt  
> the the first try had gold sickness in it and ahaha, no, I'm not spreading that on the internet anymore


	25. Fili&Kili - If only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for canon

If only Kili hadn’t insisted so much to come. She’d been too young for it, everyone had said so… barely older than Gimli, and she wasn’t allowed to come… Dis had been so firm against it at first, but when Ori had signed his contract, the argument of age had lost its power. Ori was younger than Kili, not by much, but still younger, and Kili had harassed their uncle and mother.

Kili should have stayed behind.

Fili had been glad to have her by his side on every step on this journey, but now…

They had always done everything together, separated only temporarily by the odd fight, as was normal for siblings. They had laughed together and fought together, and now they were lying together in a pool of their mixed blood, no longer capable of fight. Kili was still breathing, her brother could see it, but it was now just a question of minutes, maybe of seconds… And Thorin was still fighting, but his nephew knew enough about wounds to know that some of these would never heal.

Fili let out a broken sigh.

If only Kili hadn’t come.

She was the only one of them who could have stayed behind without shame, helping their mother care for their people.

If only Fili hadn’t insisted that she should come too.

Using the last of his strength, he took her hand.

If only one of them could have survived.


	26. Ori/Fili - Joy

Fili’s heart was about to explode, and all he could do was to hold tight to Ori’s tunic for fear that the other boy might change his mind and try to escape.

It wasn’t what he’d have expected when Ori had pulled him aside during his birthday party. He thought it’d be a small present, maybe a drawing, something handmade that Ori would have been too shy to give in public, after the expensive present Fili had received…

Instead, Ori had pushed in him a dark corner, and kissed him.

After weeks, months of watching him from a distance, of knowing that he shouldn’t, couldn’t start courting anyone when at any moment, Thorin might give a final date to go back to Erebor… and Ori was kissing him, and showing no signs of wanting to stop.

Best birthday _ever_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write easily at the moment so this will be the last thing I post here for now until a few things are settled


End file.
